Saturday, September 11, 2010

Girl Scout Law

I will do my best to be


Honest and fair,

Friendly and helpful,

Considerate and caring,

Courageous and strong, and

Responsible for what I say and do,

And to

    - respect myself and others,
     - respect authority,
     - use resources wisely,
     - make the world a better place, and
     - be a sister to every Girl Scout.

The Middle School Daughter and Parents

The middle school years are a pivotal period for the daughter-parent relationship. Nagging about homework and chores is only one way to build up the conflicts. The inner grief at losing the closeness with their once sweet “little girl” was expressed through frustration, anger, and attempt for control by the parents. Admit it or not, the parents realize they are on the downward slope of losing positive influence with their daughter.
Before things go out of hand, the parents have to step back, reflect, and take responsibility to change their attitudes and actions to save the relationship. What the daughter needed from the parents is unconditional love. She is experiencing the inner turmoil of developmental confusion, fears, and relationship struggles. What she need is the parents who would remain calm, listen, and respectfully set limits and expectations. The parents should develop a mantra to think before acting to keep them on track, and put the relationship at the center. "Will what I am about to say or do build or break my relationship with my daughter?" If it is about to damage the connection and relationship, the parents should stop themselves before the damage is done. The parents should learn to consider both of their feelings and perspectives and work on having open dialogue. On the other hand, the relationship should be built upon mutual respect. The parents should not be the doormat trying to please, or the dictator trying to control.

Learning self-control takes time. When the parents blow it, they should apologize and make amends. The best way to teach her how to take responsibility for herself is by example of taking responsibility by the parents. Occasionally, there may be undesirable actions involving lying, alcohol, and boys. The bottom line is to stay connected and continue to be the most important influence and source of strength in her life. It is important to know that her brain is growing and maturing: She will not always be stuck in this confused state. Before long, she will realize and appreciate the efforts of the loving parents.